Life Poorly Lived

Much has happened over the past couple months. I seem to be experiencing life at a faster pace these days. In the struggle to find balance between all that life has for me I am often distracted... especially from writing.

I had a chance to stop and catch up with some family recently. At some point in the conversation, the question of how God's omniscience intersects with human free will was being discussed. -- "If God knows everything, he knows what I'm going to do, so does he make me do it?" -- Trying to make complicated theological issues clear, we talked about how humanity views life as a web of possible routes we can take, yet God sees the same reality as a straight line, knowing before we act that each decision will take us down the designated path. And regardless of how inadequate our thinking and our attempts to explain whatever viewpoint we take may be, I know that God creates out of nothing. Surely he can make order out of chaos.

And that's a good thing for me. In my life I have been confused, ignorant, stupid, depressed, irrational, stubborn, and lost. But, fortunately, the entire time I've been tripping over my own inadequacies, God has laid out the path in front of me. From far away, I'm following God's will for my life. It's only when you look closer you realize that my "walking" looks more like stumbling and "God's will" seems more like active grace than some pre-determined course.

Having seen all my failures from a front row seat, it makes me breath a little easier.

Can you imagine if my life depended entirely on me? I don’t want to take on irresponsibility in place of insufficiency, but as I grow up little by little and get better at navigating life, I’m reassured by knowing that God’s guidance and presence are with me.

I'm optimistic about a life poorly lived...

Going forward... still optimistic.