"The infinite value of each human soul is not a Christian doctrine. God did not die for man because of some value He perceived in him. The value of each human soul considered simply in itself, out of relation to God, is zero. As St. Paul writes, to have died for valuable men would have been not divine but merely heroic; but God died for sinners. He loved us not because we were lovable, but because He is Love. It may be that He loves all equally--He certainly loved all to the death--and I am not certain what the expressions means. If there is equality, it is in His love, not in us."
C.S. Lewis

Life Poorly Lived

Much has happened over the past couple months. I seem to be experiencing life at a faster pace these days. In the struggle to find balance between all that life has for me I am often distracted... especially from writing.

I had a chance to stop and catch up with some family recently. At some point in the conversation, the question of how God's omniscience intersects with human free will was being discussed. -- "If God knows everything, he knows what I'm going to do, so does he make me do it?" -- Trying to make complicated theological issues clear, we talked about how humanity views life as a web of possible routes we can take, yet God sees the same reality as a straight line, knowing before we act that each decision will take us down the designated path. And regardless of how inadequate our thinking and our attempts to explain whatever viewpoint we take may be, I know that God creates out of nothing. Surely he can make order out of chaos.

And that's a good thing for me. In my life I have been confused, ignorant, stupid, depressed, irrational, stubborn, and lost. But, fortunately, the entire time I've been tripping over my own inadequacies, God has laid out the path in front of me. From far away, I'm following God's will for my life. It's only when you look closer you realize that my "walking" looks more like stumbling and "God's will" seems more like active grace than some pre-determined course.

Having seen all my failures from a front row seat, it makes me breath a little easier.

Can you imagine if my life depended entirely on me? I don’t want to take on irresponsibility in place of insufficiency, but as I grow up little by little and get better at navigating life, I’m reassured by knowing that God’s guidance and presence are with me.

I'm optimistic about a life poorly lived...

Going forward... still optimistic.

Feeling Good

Tonight, I'm feeling good. I'm excited about the randomness of today.
This phase of life I've been in has been a lot of things - the beginnings are always exciting and the ends are always exciting - but even in the midst of the in between, I'm excited as I watch the process happening. I guess it's because of that, because I am seeing the process happen. Not that anything dramatic happened today, but the life lessons I've been offered lately seem to be taking root. And having learned and forgotten a lot of life lessons, well, it's just good to see it become real.

... so today's notables.
- I set my alarm because I had a lot to do today, but I ended up sleeping in an extra hour and a half. But it turned out to be a good day to oversleep.
- Despite oversleeping, I accomplished a lot.
- My closet almost came crashing to the ground, but Beau noticed it sagging and only two brackets had come loose. Before any more broke, I found a metal bracket to replace the broken plastic one. All that to say, I fixed it before it became a much bigger issue. (not very notable, but it happened)
- Had our first meeting for Philippians small group. Really cool group of people. This will be my first time leading a bigger group and a co-ed group, but I'm looking forward to it. Seems like these people are eager to learn and grow, which is very encouraging.
- Random phone call from my cousin who I haven't seen in 4 years. He's going to be in town this weekend.
- Talked with one of my best friends who lives up in Indiana. Miss that guy. Need to visit Indiana soon.

For anyone interested in keeping up with my upcoming trip to Guatemala...

http://12stoneguatemala.blogspot.com/

... or you can find the site via my link list to your left.

I stand at the shoreline,
My feet firmly planted at the wave’s peak,
And yet the tide continues to push in.
My footing erodes away slowly,
One waning wave at a time.
My God is as persistent as the waves.
What can stop His relentlessness?
He never stops pursuing me.
He would have all of me if I would give it all,
But I desire to stand on my own.

Hurt

I'm hurting for my friends tonight. I'm asking questions that I would otherwise know the answers to, but the answers don't always seem to make sense.

The most dominant thought in your mind will become the theme of your life. It will shape your trajectory. Do not allow a lie to guide you. You will often hear whispers from the enemy, each aimed at claiming some small territory of your heart or a corner of your mind. Do not hear the small lies that can so easily take over your mind and turn your life from the designated path. But listen to the voice of reason. Listen to the one who loves. Know the truth. All is well. You have a purpose. No mistake exists without the opportunity for redemption.

Staying Optimistic until Something Goes Wrong

I think there is something important about a person having their own space. Not everybody will own land and a house, but having a place that is available for retreat is something everyone needs to have. A place to get away. Mine is my room. It’s my comfort zone. Don’t put your feet on my pillow, they belong at the other end of the bed. Let’s not move everything around, I put it where it is, it belongs there. I have too much stuff, too many books, more clutter than I want, but it works for me. It isn’t that it’s messy, there’s just more stuff than you would expect encompassed in this amount of space. But to me, it is comfortable.

Outside the French doors to my room is a wholly different scenario. You see, in the wake of Christmas-time at the Brannon’s, there are, outside the house, a few patches of snow which prove our whitest Christmas since re-locating to Georgia, and inside the house, chaos. It seems that in return for time off from work, Brannon’s will, no matter the actual season, clean like it’s the spring. The new toys each has accumulated has left their new owner with two options, 1) stack the new version on top of the old version and call it a day or 2) reorganize everything so that it will all fit together nicely. For me, stacking a new pair of jeans on top of the old jeans is exactly what I’ve chosen to do, but when you end up with a new TV, I understand the need to reorganize a bit.

Anyway, it’s a bit chaotic around here. And to the point where my comfort zone is being threatened, and it’s… uncomfortable.

... but I'm listening to good music, and I'm almost to bed for the night. Staying positive.