Realistic Thoughts on Stuff (including Platonic Relationships)

I'm a bit down right now. I am capable of feeling sorry for myself every once in awhile. I don't like it, but in the middle of life it seems to happen here and there.

I keep reciting that Chinese proverb over and over in my head...

"Fool me once, shame on you,
Fool me twice, shame on me."

In my head, it continues on to the third and forth and fifth time, perhaps because that's what I'm putting myself through. I suppose that makes me a fool.

I touched a hot plate of leftovers that had just been microwaved the other day, and it only took that one touch for me to learn not to touch it again. So why is it that I keep getting burned over and over in real life situations? It's not the plate's fault. Anyway...

(It's thoughts like these that make me very pleased to know I only have three readers)

You don't have to be a philosopher to know that everyone is living their own life and trying to get what they want. Who doesn't want what they want? That wouldn't even make any sense. I'd say in general, most people want the same things, and yet we all struggle in our own way to obtain our hearts’ desires.

As for me, I want to be held. I understand that, in our culture (or any other culture as far as I know), a man is more inclined to be the "holder" and not the "holdee," but there’s something incalculably reassuring about being held. It doesn't have to be romance, it doesn't have to be physical at all, but when you can lean into another person and just let go of everything else, well, it's nice. There's no condemnation in embrace.

(I'm feeling random tonight)

My little brother can watch a movie and know what will happen way ahead of time. He's figured out that certain types of movies are made by certain types of people, and those certain types of people will almost always introduce future conflict in a certain way. So based on a character's role in the first five minutes, my brother will lean over and tell me that such-and-such is going to happen to so-and-so, and he's always right.

The same predictability goes for me. If you get to know me well enough, you'll be able to know exactly what I'll do in certain situations. Up to this point in life, it's just the same pattern over and over again. Something new becomes old and then monotonous and so I change everything around. I do this with jobs, geography, and relationships. I've changed jobs on a whim, I've moved across the country a couple times, I've gone and adopted completely different groups of friends, and I'll go ahead and tell you to stay tuned in, because I'm only in my mid twenties.

Let me continue with my randomness and enlighten you in regards to platonic relationships... they aren't very common. I've been fortunate to have some actually work... maybe two, but it's more likely that I'm on the wrong side of an unsuccessful platonic relationship. The unsuccessful ones collapse when one of the two develops a new brand of feeling for the other, in which case the delicate balance of friendship is destroyed. In my case, I'm always the one at fault. So hear that and know that I'm afraid of taking big steps in relationships, and then ask me what I think about platonic relationships.

And so I'm feeling a bit down right now...

(I'm in no mood to elaborate)